LIFE AT THE LPC

puta calle

Academic Year 2014 – 2015

Syllabi


Michaelmas term

Boot-licking (BL) for late beginners

Physiology of BL: phono-syntactical, postural and motor components; agonist and antagonist muscles.

Physical and mental training techniques: the value of dedicated practice; explosive and endurance (tantric techniques) BLcervical and lumbar mobilization techniques; BL cramp and burnout syndrome prevention

 Pathophysiology of BL: motor symptoms (dyskinesias, dyspraxias, flexibilitas cerea); obsessions and compulsions; addiction (habituation, sensitization, craving and binging).

Pharmacology of BL resistance: local and central BL boosters.

An introduction to dodging in Academia: theory and practice

Patterns of dodging behaviour: goldbricking, cyber- and classical slacking, shirking and skulking.

Dodging as an evolutionary force: increasing fitness through paroxistic dodging.

Genetic bases of dodging: the nature vs. nurture debate.

Anthropological foundations of dodging: biological, linguistical, and ethnological aspects.

A mini-course on academic sociology: aoidos, jesters, buffoons and stooges 

From Guignol to Academia: marionettes, burattini, títeres and peleles: universal features, from metaphor to academic reality; academic pantomime: Commedia dell’arte or picaresque novel? From Pantalone and Pulcinella to Lazarillo de Tormes.

Uomini, mezz’uomini, ominicchi, pigliainculo e quaquaraquà”applying Sciascia’s fundamental categorization system to academic value appraisal – a monographic course.

A trip into essential academic solitude

The facets of aseity: sailing away from reality: bloating, boasting, and swaggering; tunnel vision: from egoism, egotism and egocentrism, to egomania and  egolatria; augmented Narcissi and grandiose mystic delusions; the apotheosis: solipsism as pure realism.

 

Lent term

Advanced methods in dodging

Poor-dodger therapies: improving blunted dodging reflexes with biofeedback; the underrated value of silence and immobility.

Exploring the semantic field of dodging: from simple avoidance and pussyfooting, to circumlocution, swerve, flimflam and fully-developed deception.

Obliterating pangs of conscience: from zero pangs to zero conscience; behavioural-cognitive therapy.

 Academic damage control

Keeping halitosic braggarts at bay: dos, dont’s, and limits of the current state of the art.

Neutralizing scantly-neuroned and/or pre-symptomatic demented bosses: semiotics of academic idiocy, cretinism and fatuosness; pretended pandering,  temporizing and  other dilatory tactics for twat management; palliative care for half- and quarter-wits.

Grappling with cheaters, swindlers, serial fraudsters, and other academic fakes: preparing concise and high-impact un-cover letters; firework craft and control. 

Anti-cynicism therapy: schools of thought, pharmacopoeia and pharmacodynamics.

Easter term

Topics in the Sociology of Science

Effective collaboration methods: rudiments of arm-twisting, ball-grabbing, and blackmailing: tutorial and hands-on sessions; argumenta ab auctoritate: historico-philosophical foundations, basic principles and a survey of common academic implementations, with some paradigmatic case studies.

Optimizing hierarchical relationships: selecting devices for smooth pant-lowering; advanced juggling and procrastination techniques.

Recent advances in disparaging, slurring and bad-mouthing:  Cesare Sterbini’s legacy; efficient rumor broadcasting techniques; the value of consistency and iteration.

Effective quarantine schedules for compulsive publishers: early detection of pernicious working tendencies; confinement, quelling and quenching, waste management and disposal.

Optimizing survival and energetic costs: absence of trade-off; free-floating techniques in turbulent environments; tools for sustainable attention diversion, bamboozling, and misleading; natural and man-made skin thickeners.

 

 

 

 

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